She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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