you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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