Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
