Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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