You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
