I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
