Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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