I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think my fart just growled at me.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
