i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
