Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
