i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
