when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
