I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
