the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
