I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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