Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
birth control should be required to get into college
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
