i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
