Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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