in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
