I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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