Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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