If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
