i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I am naked and annoyed.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
