I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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