I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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