just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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