I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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