Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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