my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
