you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just pynch a tree in the face
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My vagina is officially offended.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
