Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
