you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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