but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
