His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Still dying that you shit outside
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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