Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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