i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
