You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
