Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
