Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
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