barbara walters just said penis...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
