Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
