i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
