you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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