Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
