I think I died a long time ago.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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