absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
