I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
