I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Bring me that man meat
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
