I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
