I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
