He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
