I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
how does that bad decision feel?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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