Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
