Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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