Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
