I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
