i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
